Eulogy by Michele
for Ellen Levand

When Grandma Gloria , Alava Hashalom, was pregnant with my mom, she told me she often said, "I hope this one doesn't talk" She already had a very talkative and strong willed four year old. So, Ellen was born and they gave her the Hebrew name, Esther. Esther means "hidden". Everyone saw her outer beauty which was obvious. She won beauty contests as a three year old and teenager, but I'm not talking about that beauty, She was far more beautiful than that. It was hidden inside, but those of us privileged to be close to her, knew it well. Mom didn't talk until she was three, and for the rest of her life she remained very quiet. She was a great listener, an observer, a deep thinker and a problem solver. If something seemed wrong, she dwelled on it, until she solved the problem. She was an achiever-dedicated and driven. Everything she did, she did with a full heart and with the best of intent.

My mom was very modest, sincere and nurturing. She was a giver. Always thinking of others and 100% dedicated to her children and grandchildren. She spent countless hours picking out the perfect age appropriate and meaningful gifts for each grandchild. She spent all of her money us, her kids and her grandkids. Growing up I bought her clothing for her birthday, mother's day and Hanukkah because I never saw her buy herself one piece of clothing for years. It was all about us. Everything.

She was a dancer, and in many ways this was how she expressed herself. She became a Physical Therapist with her Masters Degree in Sensory Motor Skills. She loved working with children, mainly preemies and those with disabilities. But all of her patients, children and adults all benefited greatly from her healing way. She would often tell me about concerns for her patients as she worked out in her mind what else she could do to help them. We are still getting letters from past patients today.

Because she was quiet, she wanted me, her firstborn to be outgoing and well rounded. She put me in every activity available. I took all kinds of dance classes, drama, piano, gymnastics, horse-back riding lessons, she got us horses and schlepped us every weekend and even night to ride and care for them, she insisted I attend Hebrew school to Bat Mitzvah age, and when Ballet became something I excelled in and enjoyed, she made sure I had the best teachers, and that I got there regularly. Money was always a stress for her, but she always found a way to offer the opportunities and then she urged me to find my own way.

She was unconditionally loving, a true gift and one I have tried very hard to emulate. I always had her support. We called her a Chameleon, because she had the ability to blend in to any environment and make others feel like she understood them.

When my family started keeping Shabbos ten years ago, she started walking 2 miles to be with us every Shabbos. When we moved to the city. She came for the entire Shabbos each week. She wanted to be with us and help me of course, but it grew on her. I saw her make tremendous growth through the years, and especially the last four years of pain and illness. She had searched for spirituality her whole life, disillusioned by Judaism, she went to India and met with Gurus, she shaved her hair off at the Gangies, she was President of the Samage, an organization which she said was humanitarian and she raised funds for a hospital in India. She went to chantings, she pursued spiritual truth with intent. But, finally She told me that if ever she missed a Shabbos, her whole week was ruined. She could no longer imagine not having Shabbos. Her first Pesach with us was exciting for her. She said, "now I've experienced what Passover is really supposed to be about, but I would never have appreciated it before, it's only because of everything I've learned with you."

Moms spiritual journey took many paths. She was raised very traditional and her parents were very involved at Sinai Temple. She sent us all the Hebrew school, she kept a kosher kitchen and she lit candles every Friday night, like her mother had. Yesterday was exactly 12 months on our Hebrew calendar from the day her mother passed away and she officially finished mourning her, she was free to finish her final obligation. Last Shabbos, after not having lit candles with mom for awhile, I lit candles in her room and said the blessing with her. I remembered back to last Thanksgiving when mom was hospitalized and her cancer had become aggressive again. She said emphatically ,"Ok- Michele, I'm coming home with you. I have to be with you. I need Shabbos, I need words of Torah and only Kosher food for now on. Her sincerity remained that way to the end, even in all her suffering, she was so strong, and so dedicated to truth. I'm so thankful to have been given the opportunity to care for her the past six months . I was able to wash her hands nagelvasser and say the morning blessings with her each day, to provide her with kosher meals and help her say a bracha each time. The last couple of months she would answer "Amen- Good Shabbos" even when it wasn't Shabbos. She would try with all her might each night to say the words of the Shema with me. She impressed me more and more each day. I saw her smash the idols in her life as she instructed me and reflected on her life. As the Cancer took away her abilities more and more she clung more and more. I was able to express everything I needed to say to her and I was amazed not only with her strength and ability not to complain, to take it all in, and know it was all for a reason. I am so proud at the way my sisters, brother and I were able to finally be there for her. To repay just a little of the time, energy, and dedication to her, such true gift for me. It was a privilege and an honor to assist her in this final and most definitely challenging time in her life. Especially knowing that she wanted things done according to Jewish law.

My daughter reminded me the other day of a powerful story: A man once had a very distinguished Rabbi stay in his home. He was getting very upset however, by the mud being tracked through his home by the many people who came and went daily asking questions and getting blessings. He had a dream one night that he had passed away and was in the heavenly court. The prosecuting angels piled his bad deeds on the scale. The defending angels put his good deeds on the scale, but he got nervous as he noticed that it wasn't nearly as heavy as the first. Suddenly, another angel dragged in and began piling all the mud from the Rabbi's guests onto the scales, which tipped the scales in his favor.

I thought to myself, what can I tell my mom will go on her scales. Mom, I told her, put your nine grandchildren who all attend Torah Schools, and put your car on the scales for all the Shabbosim it brought you to, and mom, put your positive attitude through this last 4 years of pain and suffering on that scale, but what will surely drop that scale to the bottom is every single item in your life which brought you back to the truth in the end. May we all continue to be a great source of merit and joy for you mom as I am confident that you have earned your way to a very beautiful place.

The above is what I said at the Funeral of my mother, Alava HaShalom,
Each day of Shiva, however I realized more and more amazing things about what my mother was really about. Because she was such a truth seeker and because she wanted to experience the entire process fully, she was able to have a long, painful but spiritually uplifting and awesome death. She shared the last six months of her journey with me and I have now begun to embark on a path which I believe will change the lives of thousands if not more. Thank you to all of you who knew and loved my mother and who literally through your prayers, friendship and love enabled her and gave her the strength to do what she did. Stay tuned - I am in awe of Hashem's (G-Ds) love and kindness in each miracle which happened and continues to happen as I realize more and more the awesomeness of this journey and her birth into the next world!!!! I hope this will have inspired each of you to appreciate the true blessing my mother was in your life, and all of the opportunities which await you each day.
Fondly and thankfully, Michele